Michael QUEK Swee Hai

Let’s start with your childhood.

I grew up in a one-room-one-hall ground floor flat at Block 74, Pipit Road and attended Jesus Saves Mission Kindergarten. My primary school was Paya Lebar Primary which was just a stone’s throw away from home.

My childhood was rather ordinary except for one strange incident which I will never forget.

What happened?

One morning, a neighbour who was of unsound mind took a chopper and chased after my mother. 

She nearly lost a thumb. She was sent to the hospital and received stitches.

I remember it well because it happened the year I was taking my PSLE.

Did the incident affect you?

In a sense yes, but in a positive way.

Those days, if you lived on the ground floor, life could be a bit messy because there was so much foot traffic.

Because of that incident, we moved to a sixth-floor flat nearby.

It was quieter and more peaceful.

Our new neighbours kept to themselves. We didn’t mix around as much and I was able to concentrate on my studies.

How many of you lived in the flat?

My parents, my two younger brothers and myself.

What did your father do for a living?

My dad was a fishmonger.

At 10pm every night, he took the bus to Bugis to catch a shuttle bus to Jurong fish port. He got home around 8am the next morning.

Although he was called a fishmonger, he didn’t have a stall. He was more a worker at the fishing port.

Did your mom work?

She was a full-time housewife.

She looked after you and your siblings?

Not me because I was very independent from a very young age. I was already doing the marketing for my family when I was in primary three.

I told my parents that Sundays were their days off and that they should go paktor (the word originates from the Cantonese word 拍拖 for dating).

I cooked and washed on those days.

Who taught you how to cook?

My dad.

The kitchen in our flat was very small and my father was always chasing us out of the kitchen, saying, “Don’t come in, it is very narrow here.”

My brothers were obedient so they stayed out. 

But my response was always, “One day when none of us can cook or help you, don’t complain.”

How were your PSLE results?

My life is full of funny moments.

After handing out the results to my classmates who passed, my teacher announced: “OK, the following students failed and have to repeat primary six.”

“Quek Swee Hai. Eh wait, sorry, you passed.”

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha (laugh).

Hold on, you are Quek Swee Hai. Where did Michael come from?

My Chinese name is 郭瑞海.

When I was young, a neighbour declared to everyone, “Wow, this boy is so cute. Let’s call him Michael lah.”

Everyone started calling me, “Michael and Mai Kai (Cantonese for 卖鸡, literal translation is “sell chickens”).

And that got stuck.

It’s a good thing my surname is not Tan. If not I would have been Michael Tan or Mai Kai Dan (Cantonese for 卖鸡蛋, literal translation is “sell eggs”).

Let’s fast forward to secondary school, what was your first choice?

My first choice was Tanjong Katong Technical Secondary School.

I told my family that based on my grades, it was impossible for me to get in. But my mom and aunty insisted that I gave it a try.

Eh, our new Prime Minister was from there.

I know. The TK standard has always been very high. 

I knew that I could never qualify for it.

So you were posted to your second choice?

WSS. Woodsville Secondary School.

Which ECA were you in?

I tried to join the NPCC (National Police Cadet Corps) and the scouts but was rejected because I had a reputation for being playful. They thought that I wouldn’t be ‘on the ball’.

There was no NCC (National Cadet Corps), so I was left with the Red Cross.

And how was that?

I was the only boy in the group and that earned me the nickname, “The thorn among the roses”.

I enjoyed being part of the Red Cross so much that I went back to volunteer after I left school.

Did you do well in your studies?

I did not do any of my maths homework in secondary three. Instead, I copied from my classmates.

In the end, I repeated secondary three and secondary four. 

When I was preparing for my second ‘O’ levels, I approached my maths teacher for advice.

He suggested that I drop additional maths and just focus on elementary maths.

“Your grade for additional maths was F9. So even if you were to take it again, the most you could score is C6.”

I was very stubborn and told him, “Sir, I will prove you wrong.”

And did you?

I scored A2 in both maths subjects. 

I improved in most subjects except English. I scored C6, just passed.

What did you do after leaving Woodsville?

I went to STI (Singapore Technical Institute) to pursue a NTC 2 (National Trade Certificate) mechanic certificate in air conditioning and refrigeration.

I guess NS (National Service) was next?

Yes. I was a tank electrician. Can you imagine me in a tank?

Were you always so huge?

I am about 1.68m tall.

When I enlisted, I was 80kg. After BMT (Basic Military Training), it went down to 60kg.

And then it shot up to 80kg again when I was posted to my unit in Ayer Rajah.

It was a good thing that I didn’t have to spend much time inside a tank.

And after your ORD (Operationally Ready Date marking the  completion of full time National Service)?

I was an aircon maintenance and installation technician with at least three different companies for about three years.

After gaining some experience, I started my own company with my aunty as a shareholder.

By then I was already 25.

Most of your peers would have been married by that age. Were you still single?

I had my first girlfriend when I was 26.

How did you meet her?

She was a Malaysian seamstress and we met in a social dancing class.

Hold on, when did you pick up social dancing?

I started dancing before NS.

Tea dances were very popular during my youth.

One of my secondary school classmates started learning social dancing and he took me to his teacher who had a studio in Toa Payoh.

I progressed far enough to participate in competitions while serving my NS.

What were your favourite dances?

My favourites were Cha-Cha-Cha, Rumba and Jive.

What were you best at?

Rumba, and you know why?

Because I could express myself best with rumba. (waves his hands animatedly)

Did you marry your Malaysian girlfriend?

Yes, and after only one year of dating.

Bo bian (没办法 no choice).

No no, it wasn’t because she was pregnant.

As a work permit holder, she could stay on in Singapore legally only if she was married to a Singaporean. 

And for a Singaporean to marry a foreigner, a permit was required.

Most people told us that the success rate for the application was less than 10% and most first-timers were rejected.

We didn’t know why but we were successful on our first attempt.

We got married in late 1993 and by the next year, our daughter was born.

Did becoming a father change you?

Before she was born, I was not afraid when I had to climb out of a tall building to install an aircon. 

After she was born, my legs trembled even when I was fixing something on the second floor.

I realised that I had responsibilities.

The following year, I switched to electrical work where I mostly worked indoors.

What else changed?

In 1996, two years after my daughter was born, my wife met someone else and left me. 

Frankly, it was all my fault because I was a 宅男 (homebody or otaku) who didn’t like going out. After work, I was happy to stay home and look after my daughter.

The divorce must have really affected you?

Of course. I felt very, very down.

At the same time, electrical projects were starting to slow down so I decided to try photography.

A friend who owned a studio was kind enough to teach me. I observed wedding photographers at work and I became a wedding photographer around 2004.

But you were not feeling so down as to give up on love?

I got married for the second time in 2001 to a woman from China.

How did you meet your second wife?

Paiseh leh (Shy to say). She was a teacher in my daughter’s childcare centre. (laugh)

She taught my daughter to be a student, I taught her to be a mother.

Things were starting to look up when I had a stroke.

How did it happen?

The stroke happened in mid-March 2005.

My in-laws from China were visiting and that morning, we had breakfast as a family.

Later that afternoon, I took them to a studio so that my wife, who had also picked up social dancing, could practise for her Latin dance assessment.

The session ended at 7pm and we proceeded to dinner.

Back in our flat, we rested and watched TV till midnight.

When I came out of the toilet, my vision suddenly became blurred and I could not make out our glass dining table.

I also could not feel my legs. 

I panicked and asked my wife to call my brother. I wanted them to rush me to a hospital.

When the ambulance took me to Changi General Hospital (CGH), I was still conscious.

But shortly after, I either slept or slipped into a coma and I did not wake up for three days.

Did you remember anything when you woke up?

Nothing much except that I told the doctors and nurses that I wanted to go home.

They said that I couldn’t go home unless I could get out of bed on my own.

But you could not?

No. I stayed in CGH for 1.5 months before I was transferred to Ang Mo Kio-Thye Hua Kwan Hospital for rehabilitation. 

I was there for another four weeks before moving to Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) for further treatment.

To encourage me, the medical staff kept reminding me that I was still very young.

I was 40 then.

Did you find out what caused the stroke?

They told me it could be my diet — salty, oily, fatty food.

Was that true?

No. I ate rather simple and bland food. But some members of my family had hypertension.

What else did they say?

They thought it could also be stress from work.

But I was thinking, “Huh? What stress?”

Most mornings when I left home for work at 10am, I would be at a coffee shop drinking kopi with contractors.

By 2pm, I was usually home.

The doctors then said it was probably due to a lack of exercise.

But did you exercise?

I swam regularly and also bowled.

And don’t forget, I was still dancing.

You lost the use of your legs?

The stroke affected mainly the right side of my body.

Basically my right leg and hand are useless now.

That must be really tough.

Initially, I refused to give up so I went for therapy, acupuncture and TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine).

I could not speak properly then but now my speech is quite normal.

You speak quite normally to me.

I think the acupuncture helped but it took quite a long time to regain my speech.

When you have a stroke, the damage is not just physical.

Up here (pointing to his brain), it is zero.

Often, I would be speaking to a visitor and right after he left, I couldn’t remember who had visited.

My memories are often strange and fuzzy.

Is your memory better now?

There are eight digits in a phone number. I can usually remember the first four digits only.

Can buy 4D. (laugh)

I read somewhere that you were suicidal.

After my first wife moved out, I felt frustrated and helpless. 

I also felt useless.

That was my first attempt but I survived.

You mean there were more attempts?

The second time happened after my stroke. 

Total three times.

In 2008, I got divorced again.

What was the turning point?

In 2008, I went to the 华社 (CDAC, Chinese Development Assistance Council) to try to find a job.

It forwarded my resume to SPD (formerly Society for the Physically Disabled, now just SPD) and BizLink (a non-profit organisation dedicated to serving disadvantaged individuals, in particular persons with disabilities, through training and employment in Singapore).

Both called me.

I decided to go to SPD to learn about multimedia and computers.

I met a lot of fellow stroke survivors, many in a worse state than me and I realised something important — I am still alive!

I made new friends at SPD.

Meanwhile, who was looking after your daughter?

After my stroke, I asked her birth mother, who was by then a Singapore citizen, to look after her.

Does your daughter visit you often?

Usually I am the one who visits her.

She is closer to me because I know how to get along with young people.

How so?

At my workplace, the Adrenalin Group, I am surrounded by young people.

This is my 14th year with the company.

I joined them on 5 August 2010.

How did the job come about?

Richardo Chua, the founder of Adrenalin, a new social enterprise, went to SPD and spoke to a group of us. Two were offered a job but only I joined in the end.

Wow, 14 years in the same company and you were recently promoted?

I started out designing things like event banners.

Shortly after, the company expanded and I started editing pictures taken by my colleagues.

Later I started taking charge of the photo booths set up at events. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, COVID-19 struck and I switched to video editing.

I learned most things on YouTube and I have always believed in sharing my knowledge.

Do you miss dancing?

Not really. I have lost interest.

Are you still angry with her?

Initially yes.

If I see her now, I will kiss her and thank her.

Who do you live with now?

I’m a one-man show.

I can cook, I can change bedsheets, I can clean myself.

My second ex-wife said to me, “I can see that you are very strong and independent, so I feel ok that I left you.”

What keeps you going?

I joined different groups such as SNSA (Singapore National Stroke Association) and have made many new friends.

By sharing my own experience with others, I am also helping myself.

Let me ask you a practical question — what if you fall at home …?

I rent a room out, so I have a tenant.

Not so bad.

Do you worry?

Everything is fated.

I tell people, “I, Michael, am going to be 60 soon. I have a daughter, a grandson, and two ex-wives. I also have a god-daughter and god-grandchildren.”

As a volunteer and mentor to stroke survivors, what do you usually say the first time you meet someone new?

You cannot change whatever has happened. But it is up to you to take the first step to improve the situation.

I also tell others: “Before saying anything is impossible, remember ‘I’m possible’.”